Gravedigger
by Katastropheeeee
Summary: Purposely being buried alive usually puts a damper on your day. Blasted into pieces and immortal, but dying. That's more that just a little lame. Dying of something as pitiful as nutrient loss? Now that takes the cake. Hidan. Revamped.
1. Prelude: The Price of Immortality

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor the characters in Naruto. I just manipulate them like my own personal voodoo dolls.

* * *

Gravedigger

Prelude: The Price of Immortality

He was going to die. Naturally that did not make Hidan feel good.

Jashin had ensured that he would remain immortal, but everyone had to eat – his body was still needed sustenance to survive.

In a way, Jashin was prolonging his torture. He would have died long ago had it not been for the gift of immortality. He had already been dismembered and buried underground.

Usually people die after they are put through that. But not him, no.

He was immortal.

It seemed like a brilliant idea at the time. Now however, it was shaping up to be more of a curse. Soon he would have to pay the price for dabbling in immortality.

Ironically, it was his life.

* * *

[EndPrelude]


	2. Desperation

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor the characters in Naruto. I just manipulate them like my own personal voodoo dolls.

* * *

Gravedigger

Chapter One: Desperation

He was going to die.

"Fuck." yelled the immortal – or at least he tried to yell. His mouth was filled to the brim with dirt, digusting wet wormy dirt. Ewwww.

'Another reason to kill the bastard' he thought to himself, relishing the opportunity to plot the fool's death. It had become his favourite and only past time, aside from cursing Kakuzu for not coming to get him sooner.

Hidan had lost track of time, he'd been in this hole for that long.

The immortal was stuck in the grave the Konoha ninja had dug for him – and for the first time in as long as he could remember: he wasn't exactly sure if he was going to survive this.

Death was never a welcome thought.

Hidan had sworn that he was going to get his revenge, and kill him as slowly, inflicting as much pain as he could.

It was the price for burying him to die a painfully slow death from nutrient loss.

Though he couldn't do all the much right now, seeing as he was buried, under ground, in worm-infested dirt, without a way out, dying of a lack of nutrients.

'Nutrient loss. What a pitiful death…' he thought, disappointed.

The zealot never thought he would have to die, and hadn't thought about death before being buried in this pit. Since then, he had had a lot of time to contemplate it.

It was infuriating, dying so slowly. Completely helpless.

No! He wouldn't die like this! Hidan knew he had to do something.

Incensed with anger, he gathered all the chakra he had at his disposal and let it out with a burst of anger. His scattered body parts responded – and moved.

Hey! He was onto something. A grin came to life on his lips, not that anyone could see it of course. It didn't matter. He might still get out of her.

Using an immense amount of chakra and concentration he reached out with his mind, trying to take control of his hand. Even after years of intense meditation, it was still difficult.

Minutes piled into hours. Hidan had not the faintest idea how long he had been trying to gain control of at least one of his limbs.

The problem was that he had to find them first. The closest part to the surface was most of his left hand. A finger or two were missing, but that wasn't too much of a problem at the moment.

It was enough to dig.

If he got that hand to the surface, it meant he could get the rest of his body out.

From there, he wasn't sure what he would do next, but he would get out of this hole... or die trying.

Dying was probably the more likely outcome.

With immense concentration he managed to move his fingers. It took an eternity mind you, but hey, he had time.

By his reckoning, he had about a week until he died. Perhaps he would get out of here by then.

Clawing towards the surface, Hidan inched closer to freedom. His fingers scrabbled against the dirt, rocks and dreaded worms.

Although he thought he was headed towards the surface, he could have been entirely wrong. He had no sense of time, or up and down for that matter. He thought the dirt was becoming less dense, but he could not be sure.

Frustratingly enough, he had to stop and build up his chakra reserves for hours at a time. His progress was painfully slow, and he hated it.

They would pay.

Whoever he encountered on the surface – he didn't care who or what they were, they would die. The Konoha prat too. He would suffer as he had suffered. Kakuzu would get a fucking earful.

Man, he was pissed.

Convinced that he had spent several days on this already, he was determined to get out in time.

Finally he felt his fingers penetrate the surface of his trap. If he could move his lips, he would have grinned.

Satisfaction did not begin to cover what he had felt.

He was free.

That being said, nothing could prepare him for what happened next.

A hand took his.

* * *

[EndChapterOne]


	3. Negotiation

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor the characters in Naruto. I just manipulate them like my own personal voodoo dolls.

* * *

Gravedigger

Chapter Two: Negotiation

Things were going brilliantly.

If he could have laughed manically at that moment he would have.

First he had found a way out of his pit of doom and gloom, and now someone was on the surface. It seemed as though Kakuzu had finally deemed fit to get off of his cheap couch and get his ancient frame over here to get him out.

Soon, he would be out of here.

Hidan heard the dirt shift above his head as Kakuzu dug into it. The zealot hoped he'd get his cloak dirty enough to be dry-cleaned.

Kakuzu hated dry cleaning.

Hidan grinned at the thought. It served him right for taking so fucking long.

Speaking of taking long, he was taking ages to get to his head. Even if he didn't know where it was, he should have found it by now.

Dickhead.

He was old, but still, he should be better than this. It was taking forever. Hidan wanted out, and now.

It took a while, but finally he felt heard fingers scrabbling above his head, the dirt shift from his face, and wind on his skin.

Hidan opened his eyes, and saw sunlight for the first time in what felt like years.

He glanced at his supposed saviour, getting ready a spiteful yet equally witty remark, with just the right air of aloofness and fraction of gratitude.

That was not definitely not Kakuzu.

First of all, he was a she. Proof: Boobs.

Secondly, she had bubblegum pink hair and piercing jade green eyes peeking through a porcelain mask. An ANBU mask.

Why the fuck was she here?

"Hidan?" she asked, her eyes on his.

"Who the fuck are you?" he said spitting out some of the disgustingly wet dirt. Unfortunately, it sounded more like: "hooo he fuck arr hoo..."

At least the message got through.

The immortal watched as a smile lit up her eyes.

"Yep, its you."

Hidan rolled his eyes. Oh how he'd missed that. It was quite painful rolling them in the dirt, not that he hadn't tried.

"No shit! " he spat "I'd never have guessed"

The sarcasm dripped from every word, and this time you could understand him. It made it all the better. He had gotten quite tired of mumbling things to worms and receiving no reply. Not even an outraged look.

The kunoichi took off the mask, and revealed her raised eyebrows.

Bingo.

"Do you want to get out of here or not?" she asked.

Hidan raised his eyebrows - he had missed doing that too. All these things had been all but impossible underground.

"You've got my attention." he replied with a sly grin. In reality however, he was picturing cutting off the Konoha bastard's eyebrows.

A chuckle rose to his lips.

The kunoichi continued, unperturbed by his slightly creepy outburst.

"You know as well as I do that if you don't get out of here you will die, right?" she said with an air of arrogance.

Hidan frowned slightly, relishing the opportunity to move his face. "How did you know that?" he asked, unexpectedly surprised.

The kunoichi smirked. "That doesn't matter. What matters is that I will help you. For a price of course." The look on her face was one of certainty. He would wipe it off her face when he sacrificed her to Jashin.

Just the thought of sacrifice made him grin. Moving his face was oh so much fun.

The bubblegum haired kunoichi interpreted it as an answer. "Good." she grinned. "But no sacrifice."

Hidan's mouth dropped open of it's own accord. "What? No fair." he whined, irritated by her ability to see through him.

"I don't like that... who do I sacrifice?"

She shrugged. "Well, it's not going to be me. If you want I can just leave you here."

The immortal wouldn't be immortal for too much longer if he stayed in this pit. Grudgingly he conceded defeat. Like it or not, he needed her help.

"Fine. What do you want?" he asked irritably.

"Not much," she replied. "Just a little bit of help with an... issue I have."

'I'm sure you've got lots of issues.' thought Hidan to himself. Who in their right mind would go and dig up an immortal anyway?

Whatever he thought of her, she was doing better than Kakuzu anyway. He was probably off counting money somewhere.

"OK, ok... Dig me up. I won't sacrifice you..." he sighed, feigning compliance. The last part he kept to himself.

'Yet…'

* * *

[EndChapterTwo]


	4. Liberation

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor the characters in Naruto. I just manipulate them like my own personal voodoo dolls.

* * *

Gravedigger

Chapter Three: Liberation

Hidan was bored.

After promising not to sacrifice her to Jashin – at least not yet – she had begun to dig him up.

That was maybe an hour ago.

"I knew you'd see things my way." she had grinned, before placing his head on the ground.

At that moment, Hidan was convinced he'd be out soon.

He was wrong.

There wasn't that much to dig up really. There wasn't that much to dig up really. A couple fingers had fallen off of his left hand which was currently detached, but he was mostly intact – aside from his head.

Still, she was taking forever.

If only he could control he body without his head. It would have solved all of his problems long ago. He'd have gotten out of this whole weeks ago, kicked Kakuzu's ass and probably killed the stupid Konoha twat and at least a dozen more.

But no, it would have been much too convenient.

Hidan wasn't exactly patient either, and his revenge was a long time coming.

"Can't you go a little faster?" he whined. The kunoichi just ignored him, without even bothering to look up from the pit.

The immortal wondered when he would be able to kill her. It had to happen at some point obviously, but he had to choose a good time.

Hidan couldn't have her backing out on him now. He was still missing a head.

Maybe he could kill her after he had raged at Kakuzu. A sacrifice was always good after that, because his blasphemous could be so very, very annoying.

A triumphant sigh alerted him to the fact that she had dug him out. Excellent.

The zealot watched as she dragged his body out of the pit. As he had sensed, his body was mostly intact. Grinning maniacally, he began rolling back and forth in excitement.

The kunoichi glared at him.

"Oi. When are you going to reattach my head?"

The kunoichi's eyes narrowed. "After I attach your hand." she replied, holding up a middle finger. "Then your hand to your body."

Instead of being offended, Hidan grinned back, excited at the prospect of being put back together again.

From her cloak, she pulled a needle and thread.

Kakuzu came to mind.

Hidan was quite irritated by this. He would never forgive him for not bother to even come and find him – even if just to gloat.

"You've been in the ground too long..." she commented, looking over his emancipated frame.

The immortals body had shrunk, his frame almost skeletal. If he could have, Hidan would have shrugged. As soon as his head was reattached, that would all change.

Pausing in his rocking just long enough to achieve a smouldering glare, the ritualistic vampire retorted.

"Not like it's my fault. One of your Konoha bastards put me here." he snapped.

The kunoichi didn't rise to the bait. "This might hurt." she said before driving the needle into his fingers.

"Ouch. Fuck that hurts. Stop it." he moaned. He may have been a masochist, but being stabbed in the fingers hurts. A lot.

Just because his head wasn't attached didn't mean that it didn't look like it hurt.

She glanced down at his head, clearly not impressed. "You are such a baby." she sighed.

In response, he spat some dirt.

"Ew..." she exclaimed, her brow crinkling in contempt. He chuckled, and spat some more out.

The kunoichi resumed sewing on his fingers, quickly reattaching his index and middle fingers, then his hand to his wrist. Her hand lit up with emerald chakra, helping the skin close over the stiches, and repairing the internal damage.

Although the stiches were mainly redundant now, she kept them in.

Whatever. He didn't care.

Standing, she stretched out, before walking over to where his head lay, now spinning in circles.

"Is it my turn now?" he grinned.

With a sigh the kunoichi nodded, before bending over to pick up his head. Before long, the last needle like stitch went in, and she drove the needle out one last time.

Finally she bit the thread, and knotted the end.

"Can you stand?" asked the bubblegum haired kunoichi.

Hidan chuckled, and got up easily. He flexed his muscles and cracked his neck around twice, before glancing down at his now mostly restored frame.

Although he was still on the skinnier side, he was still more than a match for most people, including the kunoichi.

Killing her would be child's play.

"Good..." she murmured as she turned to go. The zealot grabbed her shoulder, turning her back to face him.

"No, that's not how it works..."

Hidan pinned her against a tree with one hand, the muscles in his arms glistening in the fading light.

"Kill me, and you will die..."

The immortal smirked "Oh really?" he replied, only half listening now. He was busy deciding how he should kill her – and looking for the best place to draw his seal.

The bubblegum haired kunoichi nodded. "If I die, you will fall apart."

Defiant jade met cold violet.

There was no trace of fear in her eyes - she just stared back at him.

Whether he liked it or not, she had his attention. Hidan had no intention of falling apart now, this close to freedom.

"Change in plan..." he muttered. "You're coming with me..."

* * *

[EndChapterThree]


	5. Irritation

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor the characters in Naruto. I just manipulate them like my own personal voodoo dolls.

* * *

Gravedigger

Chapter Four: Irritation

A snarl escaped the Sakura's lips.

"No." stated the kunoichi flatly, her chin jutting out defiantly.

Hidan raised an eyebrow in feigned confusion. "You don't have a choice." retorted the missing-nin.

"Really?" replied the medic. "I rather doubt it." With a smirk, she sat down, legs crossed and arms folded – turning her head away from him.

Hidan shook his head. "Like that's going to fucking stop me." retorted the immortal as he bent down and picked her up, hoisting her unceremoniously over his shoulder.

Sakura responded with an indignant yelp, pushing away from him.

"You're lighter than I thought." drawled Hidan as he began walking away from the pit, carrying the bubblegum haired kunoichi with ease.

"Sorry I'm not obese." came the immediate reply as she struggled to get away. Squirming in his arms, she pulled herself upright.

Oddly enough, she wrapped her legs around his chest, glaring down at him.

"Kinky." muttered the zealot. "But, I'm not interested."

"Fuck off." replied the kunoichi as she clawed her way over his shoulder, levering herself over and tumbling down towards the ground.

"No you don't." muttered Hidan as he reached out and caught her leg. Pulled off balance, Sakura launched backwards - headfirst. Moments before impact with the ground, she kicked off from Hidan's chest, backflipping safely to the ground.

Clambering to her feet she turned to face him. "Let's not do that again." she said as she shook the dirt off of her clothing.

Hidan smirked, trying to hide the fact that her reflexes impressed him. Which they did.

"You could just come with me. Save me the trouble."

The kunoichi shook her head. "…and become your next sacrifice when you get bored? No thanks." she replied as she cracked her back as she stretched.

The immortal shrugged. "What if I promise not to sacrifice you?" he said with a sly grin.

Raising an eyebrow, Sakura looked him up and down, her gaze laced with contempt. "Yeah… no."

It seemed that she could see right though him.

"Anyway, I need your help. I didn't dig you up because I was out for a stroll and saw your hand in a pile of dirt. I came looking for you - for a reason."

"Yeah… not all that interested." drawled the zealot, smoothing back his hair.

The kunoichi shook her head. "What about the whole: 'Okay, okay… I won't sacrifice you' thing?"

Hidan said nothing.

"You were going to kill me anyway weren't you?"

The immortal nodded, grinning.

A small smile was playing on her lips. The zealot had expected an outburst of some description, but she seemed fine with it.

That part bothered him. Was he really that predictable? Shaking his head, he banished it from his mind.

Doubt was one thing he didn't need.

After a pause, he realized that something was missing. Walking back to the pit, he glanced down into it.

"What are you doing?" asked the medic. Like he was going to give her an answer.

Without a word, he jumped into the pit. The thud as he hit the ground made him smile. He loved being able to move again.

After a moment of smugness, he searched for his spear.

If he was going to sacrifice anyone, he definitely needed a spear. The shared agony that swept through him was much more satisfying if he had a spear to prolong the torture.

It just wasn't fair otherwise.

"It's not there…" she said smugly.

The immortal swiveled to face her. "You don't even know what I am fucking looking for." retorted Hidan angrily, before resuming his search.

"I don't know, maybe your spear?" she suggested.

Peeking over the edge of the pit, Hidan glared at her. "Where the fuck is it?"

The kunoichi shrugged. "I forgot."

Hidan leapt out of the pit, stalking towards her. "Tell me. Now."

"Or what? You'll sacrifice me to Jashin?" she asked flatly. "See if I care."

The ritualistic vampire sighed.

"Oh, and if you kill me, your head will fall off." she reminded him for good measure. The kunoichi had all her bases covered.

Clenching his fist, Hidan realized that he was going to have to compromise. He hated compromise, almost as much as losing out on a kill.

It looked like he was going to have to do both.

Of one thing he was entirely convinced:

This was all Kakuzu's fault.

* * *

[EndChapterFour]


	6. Complication

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor the characters in Naruto. I just manipulate them like my own personal voodoo dolls.

* * *

Gravedigger

Chapter Five: Complication

"Is the hand at my throat entirely necessary?"

Hidan ignored her, trying to resist the urge to kill her.

A simple squeeze, and it was over.

It would be so easy just to crush her windpipe and let her lifeless body fall into the ground. As an added bonus, he already had a place to bury her – if he so wished.

But, it didn't have the same satisfaction as sacrificing someone to Jashin.

That was more fun.

It was as though the kunoichi knew what he was thinking.

"Just reminding you of a small, most probably insignificant detail: If I die, you fall apart. In the literal sense." she said, a smug grin playing on her lips.

That was what, the third time she had told him?

Hidan hated being reminded of his own impending demise.

"Do you ever fucking shut up?" he asked, his tone murderous as he glared at the kunoichi.

For the first time, the immortal understood the irritation his older partner felt towards him when he spoke.

If he were Kakuzu he would have killed himself long ago.

Although the above thought made little sense, he was entirely convinced that his conversation was much more thrilling mainly because the topic was Jashin.

The kunoichi shook her head, smiling back at him.

The thinly veiled threat was the main source of his irritation. Even though he felt more alive than ever, he knew that she could tear him apart. Just by dying.

It was ironic.

Now, standing before her, he really, really wanted to kill her – but that was playing right into he hands.

Speaking of hands, it was as though she didn't notice the hand so close to strangling her.

The kunoichi did not seem to understand the peril she was in, her head calmly resting in his grip.

It would be so very easy squeeze, and watch her die.

"Erm… you got a little something on your face." murmured the bubblegum haired kunoichi softly – distracting him from his current train of thought.

"What the fuck?" hissed the zealot, caught off guard by her observation.

Sakura shrugged. "Just a large quantity of dried blood." stated the medic flatly. "If you want to be seen in public, you'll have to clean up."

Hidan narrowed his eyes in her general direction.

"What the fuck is it that you want?" he growled.

The kunoichi said nothing, her eyes shining with glee. She was enjoying this control more than she should have been.

Hidan was over it.

'Ah… fuck off." hissed the immortal, taking his hand from her throat and pushing her away.

For the first time since their encounter, surprise crossed her features.

"What?" she exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

Hidan simply shrugged.

"I don't have time for this. You can go." he said simply, shooting her one last glace.

Apparently this was not part of the plan.

The kunoichi's brow furrowed with irritation, her face a mask of anger, akin to that of Kakuzu's.

The resemblance between their expressions was uncanny.

"So I'm of no use to you if you cannot sacrifice me?" she hissed, anger shining in her clear jade eyes.

Hidan took a moment register the pain in her voice, and was caught off guard by it.

"Uh, no." he replied awkwardly, utterly confused her actions.

So this was a woman.

Kakuzu had always told him to stay well away from them, with good reason. They were annoying as hell.

"You owe me one, Hidan." she snarled, glaring up at him.

The immortal chuckled.

"I owe you nothing." he snapped back, turning to leave.

The kunoichi intercepted him, planting her body between him and the direction that he wanted to go.

Would she ever give up?

"I'm not in the habit of casually taking a stroll through this forbidden forest. I came here on purpose, to find you."

"So what the fuck do you want?" he sighed, finding the conversation exhausting.

The bubblegum haired kunoichi bit her lip, her former air of confidence gone.

"I need to find the key to immortality." she admitted at last.

Hidan raised an eyebrow. This was not the response he had expected from her.

"Immortality? Easy, Jashin." he replied flatly, trying to push past her.

The kunoichi stood her ground, standing perfectly in the way.

"What if the person is already dead?" she asked, her eyes shining with anticipation.

At last her true intentions had been revealed.

Resurrection.

* * *

[EndChapterFive]


End file.
